As primary caregiver for someone with bipolar, I’ve found it easy to put my needs on hold…sometimes for long periods of time… in favor of who I care for.
The squeaky wheel usually gets the oil. Or the attention. Or the remote control. As caregivers, we’re a pretty quiet bunch when it comes to our own needs…saving most of our energy for those battles that are an unavoidable part of life, whether it be with the medical insurance company or the very person we advocate for.
I’ve often heard advice that my caregiving would be more effective if I took time for myself. This is easier said than done. Energy can be in short supply when everyday life is filled to the brink with intense emotion. Finding a way to maintain balance is no easy feat. I don’t care what anyone says.
What works for some may not work for others….but here are strategies for staying sane that work well for me:
Hobbies
Sometimes you need to pull a one-eighty; finding an enjoyable pastime completely unrelated to anything you do in “required” life. It can be incredibly freeing. Whether it’s writing (about something unrelated to your everyday challenges), or painting, or becoming the world’s greatest badminton player….you need something enjoyable to give you respite.
Humor
Seriously….who doesn’t feel better after a good laugh? I’m a huge believer in finding humor in everyday things. Yes, this means I have to earnestly look for it some days, but I make it my business to flush it out. You can usually find at least one funny (or ironic) thing a day…and if you can’t, then find a comedy on television or some stand up. Sometimes, you don’t realize how long it’s been since you’ve laughed until you do.
Let it Out
The other end of the spectrum…never underestimate the value of a good, solid cry. It can be a major stress-reliever. Like a cleansing thunderstorm on a steamy summer day, it leaves everything washed anew…a little droopy from that soaking, but none the worse for wear.
Get Your Z’s
Sleep deprivation can wreak havoc on your ability to cope. I also realize how difficult it can be to find that peaceful mental hammock with which to drift off into dreamland…but find it you must, if you want to maintain any kind of sanity. Whether you need to learn the art of meditation, increase your exercise regime, or take a quick trip to the pharmacy for something to help with sleep, it’s crucial that you get enough of it.
Time
You’ve heard the adage that “time heals all wounds”? Well, it also works wonders with calming anxiety and helping you to figure out some of your more challenging issues. Sometimes, all you need is a little time…whether it’s a night’s sleep or a self-rewarded “mental health day”. I’m often surprised how differently I can see the same issue a mere 24 hours after it initially surfaced. My ability to cope with things sometimes just needs a bit of downtime to regroup and reboot.
By following some (or all) of the above suggestions, I believe we can do a better job of caring for those we love. Only by letting go of the notion of it being selfish can we fully understand that it allows us to give the best part of ourselves…and still have something left over to call our own.
It’s a win/win.
tanya 5 Apr 2010 @ 4:01 am
Nice article. I really agree with getting enough sleep but i think that people should do this without the use of prescription drugs, there are many alternatives in the market today. I like pzizz, it’s sound that helps you relax and sleep and it’s always different so you don’t end up getting bored with birds or water sounds day after day. you can check it out on http://www.pzizz.com
sue 10 Nov 2011 @ 7:08 am
so ive been caring for my 86 yr father since my mom died 3 years ago, the house was filthy, i even broke out in open sores. ive removed all the wallpaper and painted, changed the carpets out, everything to get this house and yard to where it looks good again.. were talking 2200 sq ft of house on 1/4 acre corner lot. so i get sick, need an operation to get my overys removed and my dad kicks me out, cancels my creit card and begins a smear campain of ‘your running me in the poor house’ even though i do pay my card. so now that ive proven that to people, he claims i left the house open one day and he found a cat in the spare room, im like, ok,hold up.. when the hell did i wake up in the twilight zone, thats shows cancled.. so my loving family, who rallied around my nefews cancer, they all giving me cold shoulder, and im not even looking for sympathy, im looking not to get kicked to the curb without a dime to my name after all i put into getting this house repaired! and oh yeah, it would be really cool if just ONE person called me to ask how im doing, but yeah right…
why the hell am i busting my ass if im gonna get tossed out with nothing? i gave up my home and section8 with the intention i would care for dad and the house, when he passes, my sister and i split the house. he can still drive ( barely) and far as i know been taking care of the bills, but OMG, really? i get cancer and kicked out? im not even bad as most is it so much to want to know that im not being set up? had i known anything like this was possible, i never would have given up my section8 that i cant get back,im 44, i dont mind hard work but not if im not getting paid and will be tossed out with nothing in the end here, i cannot belive that my sister, whos son has cancer ( hes really bad though, im nowhere near his) can be so compassionate yet so heartless and cruel at the same time.. i dont knwo what to do, im so stuck, im too weak to look for work elsewhere right now, im waiting on stupid medical to decide i need this surgery before it spreads in my body,and my own family is shunning me.. im so stuck, ive never been in a position like this.. sleep? oh sure, in between friends couches and scary hooker hotels. food? i have eaten a total of a burger in the past week.im not hungry thats good. ive lost weight.i guess thats my bright side, ive lost weight… damn!! people can be this cold.
farman 1 Mar 2012 @ 2:59 am
solid cry absoloutly works
J.Ocasio 18 Sep 2012 @ 12:38 am
You know, I take a more sensible approach. If you can, hire a professional.
Shelley Kresge 4 Oct 2012 @ 12:13 am
I myself deal with depression,while trying to help my 15 yr. old son for five years now. He is so depressed that he doesn’t want to live anymore and has absolutely no hope…. He’s been to numerous therapist and has been on so many different meds… How do I help him and give him hope?