Comments on: Depressed Husband | My Key Strategy http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/depression/depressed-husband/ A Positive Approach to Mental Health Wed, 16 May 2012 22:44:15 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Here http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/depression/depressed-husband/comment-page-2/#comment-26102 Here Sun, 13 May 2012 01:45:46 +0000 http://www.findingoptimism.com/staying-well/the-depression-dialogue/#comment-26102 @Lost and alone - You are not alone. Reach out for help either on online support groups or at local NAMI or other in-person support. Or go to counseling yourself to make sure your needs are being met. I share your pain! @Lost and alone – You are not alone. Reach out for help either on online support groups or at local NAMI or other in-person support. Or go to counseling yourself to make sure your needs are being met. I share your pain!

]]> By: Lost and alone http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/depression/depressed-husband/comment-page-2/#comment-26093 Lost and alone Sat, 12 May 2012 22:06:34 +0000 http://www.findingoptimism.com/staying-well/the-depression-dialogue/#comment-26093 I have been married 3 years to my husband who last year was diagnosed with long term depression and anxiety. He has not socialised with his friends since diagnosis. It is just me in his life. He is highly irritable and as other posters, insults me, manipulates situations so he can blame a feeling of anger on me. He stopped therapy and is in denial. I am a carer, not a wife. His anger is violent and my behaviors are changing because I can't cope with the pain that is never acknowledged. I feel so alone.... I have been married 3 years to my husband who last year was diagnosed with long term depression and anxiety. He has not socialised with his friends since diagnosis. It is just me in his life. He is highly irritable and as other posters, insults me, manipulates situations so he can blame a feeling of anger on me. He stopped therapy and is in denial. I am a carer, not a wife. His anger is violent and my behaviors are changing because I can’t cope with the pain that is never acknowledged. I feel so alone….

]]> By: nina http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/depression/depressed-husband/comment-page-2/#comment-20834 nina Thu, 15 Mar 2012 22:59:08 +0000 http://www.findingoptimism.com/staying-well/the-depression-dialogue/#comment-20834 Hi, this is a message for all those who are in a relationship with a depressed spouse and who r not yet married. I wish I had known the distress and devastation depression has on your life. I was with my depressed partner for 14 years. In that time I was by his side through, cyclical depressive episodes, unemployment, money problems and isolation from family, and friends. I stuck by him. But the chronic stress had a profound negative effect on me. To the point that I became depressed, and suicidal. I did not look after myself. I put him before me. In the end I was left a broken woman. Life passed me by. The dream of kids and owning my own home were dashed. I am now too old to even hope to have those things. I wish I ne ver stayed with him, I am so full of regret that I valued my life so little that I let it be destroyed. Please, to all those carers out there....don't try and fix your depressed spouse, don't end up like me. Find somebody healthy that you can share your life with... Hi, this is a message for all those who are in a relationship with a depressed spouse and who r not yet married. I wish I had known the distress and devastation depression has on your life. I was with my depressed partner for 14 years. In that time I was by his side through, cyclical depressive episodes, unemployment, money problems and isolation from family, and friends. I stuck by him. But the chronic stress had a profound negative effect on me. To the point that I became depressed, and suicidal. I did not look after myself. I put him before me. In the end I was left a broken woman. Life passed me by. The dream of kids and owning my own home were dashed. I am now too old to even hope to have those things. I wish I ne ver stayed with him, I am so full of regret that I valued my life so little that I let it be destroyed. Please, to all those carers out there….don’t try and fix your depressed spouse, don’t end up like me. Find somebody healthy that you can share your life with…

]]> By: Caught http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/depression/depressed-husband/comment-page-2/#comment-20705 Caught Fri, 09 Mar 2012 20:40:00 +0000 http://www.findingoptimism.com/staying-well/the-depression-dialogue/#comment-20705 I've been married over a decade to my wonderful husband. We have 3 kids; ages 8, 6, and 2. He lost his job 9 months ago; I continued to advance at work. He started drinking heavily 2 months ago and ended up making out with a friend of mine 3 weeks ago. Two days ago our youngest is diagnosed as a special needs kid (hearing loss). Now he blames him cause he "never" wanted 3 kids. I can't deal with my own feelings cause as soon as I get angry at him for kissing my friend - he goes into this downward spiral. So I rely on my friends, but I miss talking with my best friend. Not sure he should even be responsible for our 2 year old; is it overreacting to put him in daycare? What happened to my strong, opinionated man? I'm left with an emotional blob, that I still love with all my heart. Is depression contagous? I feel like I've caught it. I’ve been married over a decade to my wonderful husband. We have 3 kids; ages 8, 6, and 2. He lost his job 9 months ago; I continued to advance at work. He started drinking heavily 2 months ago and ended up making out with a friend of mine 3 weeks ago. Two days ago our youngest is diagnosed as a special needs kid (hearing loss). Now he blames him cause he “never” wanted 3 kids. I can’t deal with my own feelings cause as soon as I get angry at him for kissing my friend – he goes into this downward spiral. So I rely on my friends, but I miss talking with my best friend. Not sure he should even be responsible for our 2 year old; is it overreacting to put him in daycare?

What happened to my strong, opinionated man? I’m left with an emotional blob, that I still love with all my heart. Is depression contagous? I feel like I’ve caught it.

]]> By: Morning Glory http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/depression/depressed-husband/comment-page-2/#comment-20416 Morning Glory Sun, 26 Feb 2012 12:28:24 +0000 http://www.findingoptimism.com/staying-well/the-depression-dialogue/#comment-20416 The hard thing for me, that I have just now (after 30 years of marriage!) begun to internalize and accept, is that when he is depressed, I cannot expect our relationship to be mutual. In other words, if he wants to yell at me about how something I said hurt or upset him, in cases where he misinterprets or overreacts, I cannot expect him to be open to explanations or analysis of the *interaction* that led to the problem, or what I really meant, or how his behavior is impacting me. It is simply not going to be a matter of give-and-take. I used to frustrate myself to anger and tears trying to get him to hear me and understand my feelings, to no avail. Now I am swallowing it, which I think is a much better strategy for dealing with the immediate situation, but I don't yet know how to make it OK within myself. I have to adjust to this reality. The hard thing for me, that I have just now (after 30 years of marriage!) begun to internalize and accept, is that when he is depressed, I cannot expect our relationship to be mutual. In other words, if he wants to yell at me about how something I said hurt or upset him, in cases where he misinterprets or overreacts, I cannot expect him to be open to explanations or analysis of the *interaction* that led to the problem, or what I really meant, or how his behavior is impacting me. It is simply not going to be a matter of give-and-take. I used to frustrate myself to anger and tears trying to get him to hear me and understand my feelings, to no avail. Now I am swallowing it, which I think is a much better strategy for dealing with the immediate situation, but I don’t yet know how to make it OK within myself. I have to adjust to this reality.

]]> By: Marla Jo Zeller http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/depression/depressed-husband/comment-page-2/#comment-20165 Marla Jo Zeller Wed, 15 Feb 2012 10:34:24 +0000 http://www.findingoptimism.com/staying-well/the-depression-dialogue/#comment-20165 Love her. She needs you to love her and research everything you can find on the subject to be able to help her. She may not be able to help herself right now and God may have put you in her life for this very purpose. It will not be easy but if you love her, you can do it. Do it until you just simply can't do it any longer. Give it all you've got. Love her. She needs you to love her and research everything you can find on the subject to be able to help her. She may not be able to help herself right now and God may have put you in her life for this very purpose. It will not be easy but if you love her, you can do it. Do it until you just simply can’t do it any longer. Give it all you’ve got.

]]> By: ess http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/depression/depressed-husband/comment-page-2/#comment-20010 ess Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:23:41 +0000 http://www.findingoptimism.com/staying-well/the-depression-dialogue/#comment-20010 i have recently started dating a person. (4 months). Things were great till about a week ago. she had a big stress in her life that became a reality. Now I am being shut out. From big love to she could not be bothered to text me or even just reply. hi. I am reading up on the desease and has come to realize that it is the illness.. however i am the person that wants to sort everything out right now. cant go to bed mad. so for her to just shut down and not speak to me is very hurtfull for me and somewhat of an emotional abuse on me. i think she is also in denial about being depressed. she has never used that word. i guess she is ashamed. do i try and find it in me to stay with this person which i love. or should i run.. X i have recently started dating a person. (4 months). Things were great till about a week ago. she had a big stress in her life that became a reality. Now I am being shut out. From big love to she could not be bothered to text me or even just reply. hi. I am reading up on the desease and has come to realize that it is the illness.. however i am the person that wants to sort everything out right now. cant go to bed mad. so for her to just shut down and not speak to me is very hurtfull for me and somewhat of an emotional abuse on me. i think she is also in denial about being depressed. she has never used that word. i guess she is ashamed. do i try and find it in me to stay with this person which i love. or should i run.. X

]]> By: S http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/depression/depressed-husband/comment-page-2/#comment-18903 S Sun, 01 Jan 2012 22:47:59 +0000 http://www.findingoptimism.com/staying-well/the-depression-dialogue/#comment-18903 Thanks so much for this site. I have been married for 26 years to a depressed male. I have searched for years for the "key" to try to unlock the moods that take over my husband. I read with interest the "baiting" that others experience. I have had that for as long as I can remember. I have over the last maybe 10 years come to the conclusion that I'm very very weak - because I let that baiting continue - I even remember my own mothers words once "she wont say anything - just watch"- big lol . Just lately I have decided it isnt a weakness - its a coping mechanism. Anyway - the real reason I am here today is because I think I have learned something which might be helpful to others. Ever since ever these events have always gone on until I bring on an argument. Not just any argument, the biggest, nastiest, most horrible argument. A time when stuff that can never be taken back gets said. There is not an insult on the planet that my husband hasnt thrown at me. What I realized today is this - The argument is what he needs to show everyone (including me) why he has been so "angry". Its an effort(maybe subconcious on his part) to look sane. He wants the world know how "angry"he has been - and that he is feeling better now. This is exhausting to me - I cant be bothered with it anymore. Good luck all - Thanks so much for this site.

I have been married for 26 years to a depressed male. I have searched for years for the “key” to try to unlock the moods that take over my husband. I read with interest the “baiting” that others experience. I have had that for as long as I can remember. I have over the last maybe 10 years come to the conclusion that I’m very very weak – because I let that baiting continue – I even remember my own mothers words once “she wont say anything – just watch”- big lol . Just lately I have decided it isnt a weakness – its a coping mechanism.

Anyway – the real reason I am here today is because I think I have learned something which might be helpful to others. Ever since ever these events have always gone on until I bring on an argument. Not just any argument, the biggest, nastiest, most horrible argument. A time when stuff that can never be taken back gets said. There is not an insult on the planet that my husband hasnt thrown at me. What I realized today is this – The argument is what he needs to show everyone (including me) why he has been so “angry”. Its an effort(maybe subconcious on his part) to look sane. He wants the world know how “angry”he has been – and that he is feeling better now.

This is exhausting to me – I cant be bothered with it anymore.

Good luck all -

]]> By: kris http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/depression/depressed-husband/comment-page-2/#comment-18856 kris Sun, 01 Jan 2012 00:18:27 +0000 http://www.findingoptimism.com/staying-well/the-depression-dialogue/#comment-18856 I am 41 years old and desperately trying to reach out to people that feel the way I feel. I have always felt depressed since I can remember, but this year seems to be much worse. I struggle with overeating when I am deeply depressed. I am remarried and have been with my husband now for 13 1/2 years. My son is 15 1/2 and a major concern of mine is that my depression will be passed onto him. Can I get as many blogs and helpful information from any one that may know. thank you I am 41 years old and desperately trying to reach out to people that feel the way I feel. I have always felt depressed since I can remember, but this year seems to be much worse. I struggle with overeating when I am deeply depressed. I am remarried and have been with my husband now for 13 1/2 years. My son is 15 1/2 and a major concern of mine is that my depression will be passed onto him. Can I get as many blogs and helpful information from any one that may know. thank you

]]> By: Shannon http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/depression/depressed-husband/comment-page-2/#comment-17108 Shannon Mon, 21 Nov 2011 01:49:56 +0000 http://www.findingoptimism.com/staying-well/the-depression-dialogue/#comment-17108 I don't know if this is helpful to anyone, but as a result of high stress for many years on the job, I came down with chronic fatigue and deep depression. My VA doctor had me taking 12 different anti-depressants but none really worked. I asked someone working in a vitamin supplement aisle at a local market about it and she suggested using lavender essential oil. IT WORKED!!! I have learned that getting a 1oz bottle and putting 2-3 eye droppers of lavender essential oil into it and filling the rest of it with jojoba oil. When I feel depression coming on I put a few drops on one wrist (a pulse point) and rub my wrists together and the depression dissipates. My depression has become less and less frequent. I don’t know that this would work for everyone but it is worth a try. It is a low cost and convenient way to deal with depression. Please, if this works for you, spread the word. I don’t know if this is helpful to anyone, but as a result of high stress for many years on the job, I came down with chronic fatigue and deep depression. My VA doctor had me taking 12 different anti-depressants but none really worked. I asked someone working in a vitamin supplement aisle at a local market about it and she suggested using lavender essential oil. IT WORKED!!!
I have learned that getting a 1oz bottle and putting 2-3 eye droppers of lavender essential oil into it and filling the rest of it with jojoba oil. When I feel depression coming on I put a few drops on one wrist (a pulse point) and rub my wrists together and the depression dissipates.
My depression has become less and less frequent. I don’t know that this would work for everyone but it is worth a try. It is a low cost and convenient way to deal with depression.
Please, if this works for you, spread the word.

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