Comments on: Depressed Husband | My Key Strategy

By: ess

ess — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:23:41 +0000

i have recently started dating a person. (4 months). Things were great till about a week ago. she had a big stress in her life that became a reality. Now I am being shut out. From big love to she could not be bothered to text me or even just reply. hi. I am reading up on the desease and has come to realize that it is the illness.. however i am the person that wants to sort everything out right now. cant go to bed mad. so for her to just shut down and not speak to me is very hurtfull for me and somewhat of an emotional abuse on me. i think she is also in denial about being depressed. she has never used that word. i guess she is ashamed. do i try and find it in me to stay with this person which i love. or should i run.. X

By: S

Sun, 01 Jan 2012 22:47:59 +0000

Thanks so much for this site.

I have been married for 26 years to a depressed male. I have searched for years for the “key” to try to unlock the moods that take over my husband. I read with interest the “baiting” that others experience. I have had that for as long as I can remember. I have over the last maybe 10 years come to the conclusion that I’m very very weak – because I let that baiting continue – I even remember my own mothers words once “she wont say anything – just watch”- big lol . Just lately I have decided it isnt a weakness – its a coping mechanism.

Anyway – the real reason I am here today is because I think I have learned something which might be helpful to others. Ever since ever these events have always gone on until I bring on an argument. Not just any argument, the biggest, nastiest, most horrible argument. A time when stuff that can never be taken back gets said. There is not an insult on the planet that my husband hasnt thrown at me. What I realized today is this – The argument is what he needs to show everyone (including me) why he has been so “angry”. Its an effort(maybe subconcious on his part) to look sane. He wants the world know how “angry”he has been – and that he is feeling better now.

This is exhausting to me – I cant be bothered with it anymore.

Good luck all -

By: kris

kris — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 00:18:27 +0000

I am 41 years old and desperately trying to reach out to people that feel the way I feel. I have always felt depressed since I can remember, but this year seems to be much worse. I struggle with overeating when I am deeply depressed. I am remarried and have been with my husband now for 13 1/2 years. My son is 15 1/2 and a major concern of mine is that my depression will be passed onto him. Can I get as many blogs and helpful information from any one that may know. thank you

By: Shannon

Shannon — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 01:49:56 +0000

I don’t know if this is helpful to anyone, but as a result of high stress for many years on the job, I came down with chronic fatigue and deep depression. My VA doctor had me taking 12 different anti-depressants but none really worked. I asked someone working in a vitamin supplement aisle at a local market about it and she suggested using lavender essential oil. IT WORKED!!!
I have learned that getting a 1oz bottle and putting 2-3 eye droppers of lavender essential oil into it and filling the rest of it with jojoba oil. When I feel depression coming on I put a few drops on one wrist (a pulse point) and rub my wrists together and the depression dissipates.
My depression has become less and less frequent. I don’t know that this would work for everyone but it is worth a try. It is a low cost and convenient way to deal with depression.
Please, if this works for you, spread the word.

By: pepina

pepina — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 02:33:54 +0000

if he is not seeking and holding fast to help then you may have no choice. could be a separation would wake him up to reality. if not, do what you need to to protect yourself. don’t be taken down.

By: dee

dee — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 23:48:27 +0000

Right now I completely relate to this last comment. It is exactly how I feel. The article was a good one for me to read. I know I need to try harder to be caring and to help to stop the cycle of negative thinking. But at some point, it’s like – I seriously cannot go through this. Again. Every time its the same thing. He is irritable, perhaps even specifically trying to bait me. Or else he is obsessing about the same things which usually involve things that I am doing (as with many people with depression, my husband has some obsessive-compulsive tendencies, anxiety disorder etc.) And I feel the need to defend myself. Which, of course, just accelerates his pattern of negative thinking, and then on top of feeling exhausted and unhappy I feel guilty. Because there I go again being such a shitty wife. I can’t seem to get it through my head that this selfish and mean spirited man that I live with is ill. I mean, I know that to be the case, but when you live it each and every day, the pain and resentment just burns through me. He says that I don’t care and that I am unsupportive, and maybe this has become true. I am so tired. We have now been married five years, and he has been depressed since we first met 9 years ago. He refuses to get help – well, there have been lots of false starts with getting help, but he doesn’t follow through. I just don’t know how people find the strength to be so good as to help their spouses through every depressive episode, especially as the depressive episodes overtake the periods of non-depressive states of being. I guess, at some point along the way, I have stopped believing he will ever take responsibility for getting better at that was the point maybe where I also started trying less. I feel like the only answer is get out now.

By: over it

over it — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 02:09:43 +0000

Being married to a person with depression is a miserable existence it is unsustainable, soul destroying and exhausting. never again

By: pepina

pepina — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 02:20:36 +0000

i don’t mean the author has wonderful advise but protect yourself. sounds strange how i worded that. i is late. she HAS wonderful advice. i am taking notes! thank you, Anna.

and in addition you should protect yourself. take care of you. that is your first priority. if you cannot function you cannot help someone else!

By: pepina

pepina — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 02:16:50 +0000

hi pringles. understand the guilt. i am allegedly responsible for all sorts of illicit behavior. apparently he is not sufficient for me and i need other men. ok, that is nuts. be sure to get counsel for yourself. read and re-read the above. this author has wonderful advice. but protect yourself. you are his wife! no other female should be involved.

By: dub

dub — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 09:00:11 +0000

hey.
married.
apparently he is depressed and on is on avanza….. seen a slight mood lift.
but i wonder is he just being an ass and getting away with it – flying under the depression umbrella??
i know a big call
but the selfishness, irresponsibility, lake of insight, the picking a fight, the put her down in front of friends, the correct her all the time, the lake of respect – is this depression or assholeness (excuse my language)???
how much do i have to take?
if i do not stay then i feel guilty, if i stay then what a life i have to look forward too
psychology appts start next week, i hope they help because this sux