Comments on: How to Help Someone with Depression

By: jake rose

jake rose — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 04:38:51 +0000

i have no personal experiences with depression nor am i someone who can help you. I just need help. I know this girl and two weeks ago we started to get to know each other. she told me she liked me and i like her too. just today she told me she used to be in a emotional abusive relationship with one of my friends and she has been cutting since grade 5 (now we’re grade 9). then today she texted me and told me that she wasn’t ready for me and told me to stop talking to her. of coarse i said “I’ll give you all the time you need because i want what is best for you. I will always be here if you ever need any help.” and i agreed to leave her alone. First of all, was this the right thing to do? I dont know what to do, i have no idea how to help her, and i dont want to stop talking to her but i promised her i would. i know i only really started to know her two weeks ago but i care so much for her and i feel like God is just saying “be there for her”. to make it worse i feel as if i try to talk to her to help her i will be betraying her. i would go to the ends of the earth for this girl. i just need some help. she needs my help.

By: Lucky0806

Lucky0806 — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:46:30 +0000

Scared –

I had never thought about helping my boyfriend out of his funk. I assumed he wanted to be alone and needed that time, but after reading your post and giving it some thought, i think i am doing the wrong thing too. He says he could sit in his room forever and watch movies and never go anywhere, but i wonder if i tried to visit him and tried to talk and reconnect if it would help him back out of his funk? I still haven’t heard from him. I continue to send supportive and loving text messages, but i have no idea if i’m hurting or helping him.

By: Scared-

Scared- — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:42:25 +0000

My boyfriend of 8 years is suffering with severe depression. A few years ago he was injured at work at since then has been in this state. He didn’t get any compensation, and lost his job. When it first happened I didn’t understand the magnitude of how sad he was, and I didn’t help him. I didn’t know, how could I not know? He feels like I wasnt there for him, what he needed was someone to force him out that funk. I thought he needed me to be strong and wait until he was ready. I was wrong! Now he feels like there is no reason to go on, to do the daily tasks that make a life. How can I help him? I only want for him to be happy, more than anything.
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By: Lucky0806

Lucky0806 — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 21:39:03 +0000

I have appreciated reading all of the comments that have been posted. I agree with several comments about how individuals suffering from depression are different and each case is different. My current boyfriend suffers severly from depression, anxiety and PTSD. He is unlike a lot of sufferers mentioned, in that he is neither an alcoholic, violent or abusive towards me or anyone else he is close to. He is actually a very caring and extremely loyal person. He has always been very open with me about his depression and what he has gone through to bring him to this point. He is very encouraging to me and supportive when i need it. He is the reason i sought help myself for depression, though i do not believe i suffer as severly as he does. I am knew to this all the way around, both as a patient and as a carer. I am currently battling how to be the carer and maintain focus on myself as well. My boyfriend from time to time will go into “funk” modes where he will hide in his room and not respond to texts or phone calls. No communication. Then a few days later he is “back to normal”. I have found great advice on this blog, and now realize that some things i have said recently have problably contributed to his current “funk” mode that he is in. He sees a doctor regularly and takes prescribed medicine for his conditions. He is very responsible about his situation and attempting to take care of himself, however it is hard for me to not want to speak up when i think he is doing something that is unhealthy for himself and only going to take him back into the bad times that he is trying so hard to get past. I realize that the way i have gone about speaking my opinion has been somewhat harsh and probably giving him the mindset that he is “not good enough”, or that he is “failing” as a man, an adult. Because the main part of his battle comes from the home, his mother and step father’s home. I hate to be personal but i believe his particular case warrants knowing the details of his situation, in order to hopefully have some specific advise on how i should approach things, but he was sexually molested by his step father. The very step father that his mother chose to remain with because she needs someone to rely on. She has lyme disease and is not a healthy individual herself. He will go home to them and stay there (he was forced to move in with them when a roommate moved out, he had nowhere else to go). He says some days he is fine and can deal with it and in some amazing way has forgiven his step father for what he did. But i can see where it is still a very hard thing for him to get past. I want to be the person that finally gives him the happy and growing life and future that he deserves, but i have no idea how to deal with his dedication to his mom, regardless of what his life has brought him because of her decisions. His personality is very similar to mine, in that we both are “people pleasers”. We’ve both gone through our lives doing and being for others in hopes that those people would return our love and dedication, but only to stomp on our prides and treat us like crap. I can understand why he wants to still remain in an accesible way for his mother, but i see so much of that house baring down on him as a human being, as a man. How many 40 year old men have their mom constantly texting them and calling them wondering where or why they are not calling or responding. Texting and calling wanting to know if they’re still where they said they were going, or are you ok? True yes, he has attempted suicide, by the unfortunate reaction to steriods prescribed for back problems, not because he hates life that much and wants to end it all. I understand a mother’s worry, but it is, in my opinion, overly done. Not even my mother coddles me that much, and believe me that is something to say. I grew up in a protective bubble, barely able to go and do anything until i was my own adult and could drive. I am going off on tangents now, but i know i need to be careful how i express things to him, but do i have a valid reason to worry? Am i being too harsh and too objective towards and about his mother and step father? I believe too my constant joy in having him live with me, is pushing him away. He is “gun shy” as he expressed in his own words, after being married twice and divorced twice. I can understand that too. Perhaps i am being too expectant of him? I would love some specific feedback to this. But again, i am so glad i came across this site, it has given me a deeper insight to how he must feel at times, and how i must be presenting myself to him.

By: Faith Dwyer

Faith Dwyer — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 02:01:14 +0000

Olivia—-get out before it’s too late.

By: Olivia

Olivia — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:57:02 +0000

I think my boyfriend is currently depressed. I’m trying to be supportive and I’m trying to help but I only seem to say things that make him angry and now he’s started saying that I used to be the one good thing he had in his life but I don’t make him happy anymore or excite him. I know it’s probably the depression talking but I am really scared that he will break up with me and I really don’t know who to turn to for advise or help and I was hoping maybe somebody over here could help me or give me some advise?

By: Jef

Jef — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 00:41:40 +0000

These are almost exactly what I need from my family and what I’ve been trying to tell them for years.

By: andy

andy — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 22:29:55 +0000

im trying to help my gf find a therapist but she wants to go for the fact i say it will help but she doesn’t think it help her feel better because she has losed all hope with anything to help her feel better and she told many times that’s impossible for her to be happy i have tried many things but it just made things worse if someone has any suggestions or advice to help me help her

By: Annie

Annie — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 08:43:09 +0000

Cathy52,

I’m struggling with the same thing. I have an inoperable brain tumor and the radiation left me with a dead pituitary gland. It’s been 6 years since the radiation and the tumor hasn’t grown, but finding the right balance of meds has been really hard. Unfortunately, many of the meds directly effect my mood. I learned last week that the tumor could also alter my personality, because it’s pushing on brain tissue. Anyway, my husband and I live in Seattle, and my boys live in Tulsa, OK. We have no family here and have no friends because we just moved here last year. All this to say, I think those of us who fight cancer are warriors. Our family doesn’t see our illness, and they want to believe we are the same person. We face our cancer or the effects of it, every day. I take 10 medications, 20 pills and 1 injection, every day. My illness is constantly in my face. Plus, I see it when I look in the mirror at my eyes. They are dark and sunken. I have slowly, this year sunk into a depression that is compounded by my medication. Cancer requires work to stay healthy, and only you can do it. I think your family is out of touch and ignorant of your pain and what you are going through. Counseling for all of them would be a good idea, BUT counseling for you is a must. Setting down your burdens to a non-family member makes your load lighter, and leaves your family out of the “gloom.” It’s hard for them too. My husband is working so hard to help me, but he’s depressed as well because of me. You can only do so much. Educate your family as much as possible. Knowledge is power. Get into a counselor to help you overcome your depression and respond appropriately to your family. No, it’s not the right way for your family to act, but they don’t know what else to do.

Be well, my friend.

By: Cathy52

Cathy52 — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 12:53:55 +0000

I had cancer last year and i feel sometimes down when it goes through my head thinking about the treatment ect , This week i got very down , and had a little falling out with my daughter over something very small , it was i just wanted her to stand up for her mother , and i dont think if im been truthful it was that , i think i was pushing the boundary to see if she loved me enough to do that , the day before my birthday my daughter had a meeting along with my other three siblings , and decided to come up and confront me together , they walked into my house and said we need to talk , first it was we see you are down and getting worst , would you not go to a doctor and get stronger tablets , and then it was also we think u need bigger help , they told me i was staying in my pjs to much during the day , i should go for a cup of tea more with someone of my own age , i asked them and this is all over asking my daughter to stand up for her mother? they said no , you turned on us before , i asked when? because i try not to tell my family in any way how to run there lives , my daughter answered last year when you were in hospital and you were going through treatment and u had a few words with me because i did not get up to see you that week , i rem the week well , i was very very sick and my daughter had phoned , i was very upset and afraid and was trying to tell her how afraid i felt and how sick i felt , when she answered i wont be able to get up to see you this week because im going house hunting , can som eone tell me because im down at the moment is this the right way for a family to act when you are feeling low , or am i seeing it wrong because i am down? ive tried looking at it every way , but everytime i think about it i just get hurt and cry over it x