It seems from your post that you are reaching out for help to deal with the backlash that you are experiencing as well as seeking a solution that will help your wife.

It is very hurtful when a relationship that has lasted so long takes a turn like that. The fact that your wife has admitted that she has a problem is a good thing because in therapy she will be able to talk with someone who will not be hurt by what she says..

Your wife must be going through a mid-life crisis that is made worse because of the depression. This must be very deeply disturbing for her.

It appears that she has reached a stage in her life when she is evaluating where she is at and comparing it with what it could be or what it could have been.

As you said, she has been a wonderful wife and mother and that part of her will always be there, though it’s presently lost among turmoil and confusion.

The anger you feel is understandable and it must be hard to hold it within when she tells you, “I Hate you. I don’t want you. I don’t love you, I love someone else. You don’t protect me. You don’t protect the children. You don’t make enough money.”

These words come more from her turmoil and unhappiness rather than a direct attack at you.

At the same time you may need to take some time out for yourself to evaluate where you are at. Is there anything about yourself that you think could need improving?

Your inner reaction to her words are understandable, but they are your reaction, and your reaction could instead be one of love, understanding and compassion. Remember the old cliche? “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

So if you react to her words and criticism with love and compassion, you will feel better within yourself. At the same time, if there is anything about yourself you think should change, then go ahead and change it.

This blog is not a place for advertising, so I can’t really say I have something that may help you or your wife. I hope the words i provided here will bring some temporary comfort. If you click on the link, you will find something else.

My wife is finally in therapy for her depression, She finally admitted she has a problem and needs treatment. I am hoping she finds the tools to help herself because she certainly doesn’t seem to want me to help. I don’t know who she will be from day to day, sometimes hour to hour. Small things can set her off in a rage that may last from minutes to hours, with a lingering seethe that may last days. When she picks fights with me for seemingly no reason, I try to stay quiet and hold my tongue, for fear that any comment I make will enrage her more and make the arguement last. That battering leaves scars on my heart, as I feel betrayed that someone I trust and love so much would inflict such rage on me. If I do say something, the WAY I said it trumps WHAT I said. I want my wife back.

We have been married for 26 years, 3 wonderful children with our 9 year old remaining in the house. For all 3 children I have seen the pain in their faces during her drunken or drug induced rants, and I have done all I can to protect and shield the children by staying close and showing them that I would never treat them like that – I am trying to remain a foundation of stability. Things have been so bad lately that sometimes the only reason I stay is for my daughter. I will never leave her. I want my wife back.

My wife is wonderful in so many ways, she has chosen to be a Stay At Home Mom and I have supported her. She cares (when sober or “normal”) for the children like a lioness to her pride. The house is always well maintained, clothes washed, and she is a master chef in the kitchen providing fantastic sit-down-at-the-table meals for us. She is BEAUTIFUL with the softest skin, warmest eyes, gleaming smile, and laughs with her whole body. Even though she has let herself go lately, put on a lot of weight (which I know she hates), I can’t tell her that it turns me off sexually for fear of what it would do to her ego. Our sex life has dwindled to almost nothing for 2 years, her frequent drunk/depression induced rages turn me off completely and prevent me from being happily intimate. I want my wife back.

We first went to counseling 2 years ago mainly for our troublesome daughter’s performance in high school, which turned into couples counseling. Late last year we tried a marriage counselor, on our first appointment she was drunk and couldn’t make a coherant sentence. I want my wife back.

Please Help Me.

I’m trying to get past my pain and focus on helping her heal. Even though she tells me, “I Hate you. I don’t want you. I don’t love you, I love someone else. You don’t protect me. You don’t protect the children. You don’t make enough money.” it hurts everytime and spins me into anger that I try to qwell. Last summer, on the way to a camping trip with our 9yo daugher and her friend, she told me that she had an affair with my best friend 20 years ago, and that our middle daughter might not be mine. We separated for 2 weeks, her and our 9yo staying with my oldest son. I bought a drugstore DNA test for me and my middle daughter, the results were positive, thankfully I am the father. Even though I told her I forgave her and we can work on our relationship, that still hurts. I want my wife back.

Please Help Me.

Your girlfriend needs to get help urgently. Naturally, you didn’t say where you live but if you are in the UK in most cities there are youth counselling agencies which are free. All the ones I know, I am a youth worker so I know a lot of them, you can self-refer. Since she has tried to kill herself already there may be services involved. I also think that you need support too. Being emotionally involved with someone suffering with depression is incredibly difficult, as you can probably tell from the previous posts. A counsellor for yourself, to help you support her and look after your own needs and emotions is important. I don’t know if you know about counsellors but I know many people feel scared and foolish about seeing them for the first time. I still feel foolish and I have seen many counsellors. Don’t worry. If you or girlfriend feels uncomfortable with one, find another one. The right one will make you feel okay about talking to them about anything or even not talking. Its difficult to offer more advice than this after one email as it sounds like your girlfriend is living with a difficult situation and there are so many things I don’t know, such as how she will respond to being advised to go to a counsellor. She might hate the suggestion. Generally, if you listen to people they will come up with what they need but often don’t know how to go about getting it – that’s the best time to suggest things, such as counselling. Counselling would be helpful because it would help her realise she is normal to be unhappy in her situation. It will also help her to realise that she is not responsible for the way her mother is treating her, often it is more about their pain, and she is still a valuable lovely person. I know you are trying to tell her this but when your own mother is acting otherwise, its very difficult to believe, unless you can really see that this is their stuff. Lots of people fail to realise that their whole lives and take responsibility for other people’s psychological issues, so if you can learn to do it at 16 and 17 that would be great. I hope this makes sense and is helpful. If nothing else, keep looking for help and you’ll find it.