There are many terrible things that people say to those with depression. Most of them are rooted in myth. Misunderstandings abound, outweighing real knowledge when it comes to correctly understanding the illness.
Let’s look at the worst. Readers of this blog have shared some of the very cruel things that have been said to them:
- All you need is a gun and some time alone.
- You must not be living right.
- Yeah, I know how you feel, but that’s nothing…
- You just need to wake up in the morning and decide, ‘I’m going to be happy today!’
- And you don’t even work – you have NO excuse not to have a clean house!
- My boss said to me, ‘Sounds like a personal problem. Deal with it.’
- She thinks she’s going to live forever and has time to be depressed.
- It’s a matter of MIND OVER MATTER: If you DON’T MIND, it DON’T MATTER!
- If you’d just stop thinking like a victim, you’d get over this. You control your life! Act like it!
- At least you have your health!
- Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.
These are real things said to real people.
Those speaking the words don’t recognize depression at work or they lack understanding of its nature. Or that it is a real illness. And if it’s not real, then there is no treatment. If it’s not there, then the “sufferer” is someone who just can’t deal with the stresses of life that we all face. If it’s not real, it will go away when the person learns to smile and pick themselves up.
In the words of one reader:
“The problem with depression is no one can see the wheelchair or the crutches. If they could, they’d be more careful about what they say.”
There are other myths floating around:
Only women get depression. It’s a normal part of aging. Kids can’t get it. It only happens after something bad. Antidepressants change your personality. Talking about it makes it worse. It’s a normal part of life. It will go away on its own. You can snap out of it. It’s all in your head. You choose to be depressed. It means you’re weak. It’s a character flaw. You can psych yourself out of it.
How do we respond? We must start with education.
FACT: Depression is a serious medical condition. Most people get better with help.
If you want to read some more positive, helpful things to say then take a look at “Helpful Things to Say to Someone with Depression”. And please leave your comments below!
Joylene 29 Aug 2008 @ 2:52 pm
great post!! so true!
Christina 29 Aug 2008 @ 4:51 pm
Thank you for posting this. I’m considering printing out several copies and “accidentally” leave them lying around.
Shannon 30 Aug 2008 @ 2:10 pm
Nice post. When I have been unable to do things because of depression and anxiety people would sometimes say things like, “Sometimes we have to make ourselves do things.”
Or, “Stop using it as a crutch.”
My crutch is invisible and I need it.
I don’t mind labeling myself “depressed”, “anxious”.
The fact of the matter is, ignoring that I have a problem will not make it go away nor somehow make me better.
John D 4 Sep 2008 @ 12:00 am
There are some harrowing quotes there – so hard to believe people saying things like that. Of course, I’ve had to listen to many similar, including the classic Get a life! in a recent blog comment. I’ve read many exchanges among blog commenters about depression, and I’m struck by how angry people can get while insisting that depression is a choice or something you could wish away if you had some serious willpower . I wonder where the intensity of their feeling comes from. Why are some so intent on denying a reality that many suffer from? It’s a subject that needs more exploration. Thank you for this fine post.